This Time of Year
I've decided I don't like this time of year. It's been a painful one. Painful lessons. Changes in life and a lot of things that haven't changed...and never will. I've tried to throw everything I have, all the pain and sorrow and energy into my writing. And it worked. I have the material written. But having put the material on a shelf and seeing the light at the end of the project has been hard. Writing kept things tolerable. Once it's recorded and done I wonder where I'll go next. A lot of holes left that need patching. And I don't feel like I have the energy to keep pouring it all out into music. Maybe I do. Maybe it's just this time of year that has me feeling this way. This project has been going for 5 years and went from an abstract concept to a very concrete, tangible object. I won't feel relief in finishing it. I feel more like I'm losing something.
It seems easy enough to just say "Keep writing!". But that doesn't seem to be the answer. Not sure what the next step is. But I know this is part of the process. I didn't know what the next step was when I was given the task to start writing.
I got to see Tim O'Brien and Darrell Scott this weekend. And I was blessed to be able to sit in on a Q & A with them before the concert. They talked about their career and their past and how they got where they are now. It seems that they didn't set out to be writers and musicians. It was thrust upon them early on. Darrell even mentioned hiding his writing for years, not sharing it with any of his musical family. It was something he did for himself. No one else.
The more I think about musicians and artists, it occurs to me that they are not JUST musicians and artists and poets. They are Shaman. First and foremost. They are in contact with something most don't relate to. And it is their connection to that otherness for which we need them. The music, the art, the poetry...those are just vehicles to help show us the otherness that they see and we don't. They are compelled to be in the otherness and they develop a craft to deal with it. Sometimes we relate to that craft and turn them into superstars. Other times we laugh and turn our backs because we don't understand. We need that otherness in our lives because it is healing to us. It gives us something that is missing from our normal lives. But being a Shaman doesn't come with an instruction book, just like life. So much just has to be experienced and learned on the fly.
It seems easy enough to just say "Keep writing!". But that doesn't seem to be the answer. Not sure what the next step is. But I know this is part of the process. I didn't know what the next step was when I was given the task to start writing.
I got to see Tim O'Brien and Darrell Scott this weekend. And I was blessed to be able to sit in on a Q & A with them before the concert. They talked about their career and their past and how they got where they are now. It seems that they didn't set out to be writers and musicians. It was thrust upon them early on. Darrell even mentioned hiding his writing for years, not sharing it with any of his musical family. It was something he did for himself. No one else.
The more I think about musicians and artists, it occurs to me that they are not JUST musicians and artists and poets. They are Shaman. First and foremost. They are in contact with something most don't relate to. And it is their connection to that otherness for which we need them. The music, the art, the poetry...those are just vehicles to help show us the otherness that they see and we don't. They are compelled to be in the otherness and they develop a craft to deal with it. Sometimes we relate to that craft and turn them into superstars. Other times we laugh and turn our backs because we don't understand. We need that otherness in our lives because it is healing to us. It gives us something that is missing from our normal lives. But being a Shaman doesn't come with an instruction book, just like life. So much just has to be experienced and learned on the fly.
posted by jambander at
5:14 PM
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